Lying naked on the bed, covered only by a thin sheet, I wonder if I’ve lived enough. I’m in a small room. It’s cold. It’s so cold that I shiver under that scanty layer of difference between decency and exposure. The blue, low light creates surprisingly few shadows and everything feels flat and muted. I can hear voices across the wall. They sound loud, but however hard I strain, I can’t distinguish a single word.
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Ah, that old friend of mine. It’s with me when I’m feeling great, and when I’m feeling low. It’s with me when I’m at home, and when I’m at work; when I’m with friends and when I’m alone. It’s my constant companion. THE PAIN. ENDO-PAIN. Let’s talk about endo-pain: the chronic pain associated with endometriosis.... Continue Reading →
“Oh no!” I’m bawling, “I sat by the fire for five minutes. I just didn’t think.” “You did what? I don’t understand. Calm down and tell me what happened.” “Bwaaaaaaaa, I sat bwa bwa bwa by the fire.” He’s looking at me puzzled. I’m now at a fully blown crying fit. You see, seven days... Continue Reading →
Do you have endometriosis? Do you have endo-fatigue? Let’s run a little test: Are you exhausted right now? Do you frequently wake up tired after a ‘good night’s sleep’? Do you frequently feel you have no ‘spare’ energy despite resting a lot? Did you say yes to at least one of the questions? Let me... Continue Reading →
With Endometriosis, as with any serious illness, it's important to stay safe. To raise awareness of the disease and to encourage you, my fellow sufferers to take care of yourselves, I've collaborated (free of charge, this is not an advert) with the the ID Band Company on an article titled An endometriosis sufferer's fight to raise awareness. I'd love to learn if any of you already sports a medical band, necklace or some other form of medical alert identification. Personally, I'm loving the Hedlee Beaded Collection - who said that medical ID bands should be boring? - bring on the bling! This is serious stuff. As always, take care of yourselves.
The business of making children is complex. The business of having children is extraordinarily more byzantine. The business of not having children is a different matter altogether. And the business of not (yet) having children, if you’re an endometriosis sufferer, potentially a source of such omnipresent and all-pervasive misery, despair, bitterness, despondency and torment that its essence cannot be expressed in words.
It’s strange how life works out. One day you’re living your life relatively happy, whatever happiness is, the next your doctor is breaking the news that you have a disease that affects your fertility. Now the painful periods make sense, so you feel reassured on some level, but on a different level a new kind of worry also enters your brain. Will endometriosis affect my ability to have children? Will endometriosis affect my fertility? You freak out. You become desperate. All you can focus on is your childlessness, or inability to have more children, or other people having children. You lose your ability to connect with others as you become increasingly single-mindedly focused on that one aspect of your existence.
On the 28th March 2015, many brave souls across the world, dressed in fifty shades of yellow and pink, some with funky braids and ribbons in their hair, some with pink knickers over their trousers, and some in armoury, but all with a smile on their face, did just that. They did it to raise awareness of a disease that is silent. A disease that people don’t want to hear about. A disease that makes even those suffering from it often feel too embarrassed to break that silence and speak out.