The business of making children is complex. The business of having children is extraordinarily more byzantine. The business of not having children is a different matter altogether. And the business of not (yet) having children, if you’re an endometriosis sufferer, potentially a source of such omnipresent and all-pervasive misery, despair, bitterness, despondency and torment that its essence cannot be expressed in words. It’s strange how life works out. One day you’re living your life relatively happy, whatever happiness is, the next your doctor is breaking the news that you have a disease that affects your fertility. Now the painful periods make sense, so you feel reassured on some level, but on a different level a new kind of worry also enters your brain. Will endometriosis affect my ability to have children? Will endometriosis affect my fertility? You freak out. You become desperate. All you can focus on is your childlessness, or inability to have more children, or other people having children. You lose your ability to connect with others as you become increasingly single-mindedly focused on that one aspect of your existence.
“Don’t worry.” Oh, ok then. Ta Da. I didn’t realise it was this easy. All I have to do is not to worry. Bingo. I’ve got it. That’s it. Eureka. My life’s totally perfect now. Thanks for your help. “Just stop worrying. It’s not helping.” So whilst you’re at it, tell me precisely how and... Continue Reading →
Have you recently been tired? Have you recently been endo-tired? If yes, you’re very likely to know the difference. Explaining how you feel to the rest of the world is a different matter altogether. One online source claims that “Grinding fatigue as severe as that experienced with advanced cancer is present in most cases.” It’s accepted that the reasons for this extreme exhaustion associated with the condition are still unknown. It might be the chronic pain, it might be a hormonal imbalance. More research is needed. More awareness would help.
“Well, it’s not cancer.” I’m lying down on a hospital bed following my second operation, my mind still slightly groggy after the general anaesthetic, the body only just starting to register the pain that the morphine has blocked so efficiently until now. I’m getting snippets of the conversation that is taking place over my head.... Continue Reading →
I have now been in pain for four hundred and forty three days. I have been in pain all my adult life for one week in every four, so I should be used to the feeling, right? Well, no. It turns out that pain is not something you get used to. Not ever. Every minute... Continue Reading →